Présentation pour orale anglais (correction)

[julie88]

Bonjour! :happy:

Je voulais juste vous demander de me corriger ma présentation de stage que je dois présenter mercredi pour mon BTS MUC.
J'ai fait de mon mieux mais je pense qu'il y a encore quelques fautes...
Il faut que je l'apprenne par cœur pour que ça rattrape ma présentation de texte. Non pas que j'ai peur, mais si je tombe sur un texte que je ne comprends pas, ça limitera la casse...
Merci d'avance. :smile:

Voici ma présentation :

My name is Julie and I'm currently doing a BTS MUC in xxxxxx.
I did my training period at La Poste in xxxxx for 12 (twelve) weeks. 7 weeks in my first year, and 5 weeks in this year.
La Poste has a particularity; it has a dual role as a postal service and a bank at the same time.

To find my training period, I had to call a large number of firms especially in the sector of the bank.
I found this position in La Poste by contacting the local boss who placed me in the post-office of xxxxx.

During my first training period, I had to :
- Write a customer satisfaction survey.
- Then I study the display of the advertising in the post-office.
- And made a phoning for the banker (“conseiller financier”).
- I also had to hold a meeting.
- At least, I had organized an animation for the mother’s day.
During the last placement, I worked with my tutor to reorganize the public room (“salle public”) because the post office was being renovated. I was also in charge of the welcome desk to respond to costumers enquiries.
I had difficulty in the execution of my last project because I couldn’t change anything in the post-office public room without the approval of the head office.
For example, I want to reduce the queue, and for this, I proposed to make a ticket system, and the head office doesn’t approve it.

To conclude, this work experience has been beneficial for my professional life. I acquired new techniques and I also developed human relationships with employees. The dual role of La Poste has allowed me to learn by experience two different job. It has shown me what working life is like and has helped me to choose my future work.

Finally, I am very satisfied with my work even if they didn’t accept my suggestion. It gave me an exciting experience.

Voilà, merci pour vos corrections, si vous avez n'importe quel conseil à me donner sur l'expression, je suis preneuse.

PS : j'ai une clavicule cassée, je me fais opérer lundi, si je pouvais avoir ma correction avant, ce serait pratique, j'aurais tout le temps de la réviser en attendant l'intervention... :embarassed:

 

[krow]

Il faut faire une présentation de stage ??????

 

[julie88]

T'es pas obligé mais attends toi a ce qu'on te questionne dessus... :happy:

 

[julie88]

Voila une nouvelle version avec moins de fautes :

My name is Julie and I'm currently doing a BTS MUC in xxxxxx.
I did my training period at La Poste in xxxxx for 12 (twelve) weeks. 7 weeks in my first year, and 5 weeks in this year.
La Poste has a particularity; it has a dual role as a postal service and a bank at the same time.

To find my training period, I had to call a large number of firms especially in the sector of the bank.
I found this position in La Poste by contacting the local boss who placed me in the post-office of xxxxx.

During my first training period, I had to :
- Write a customer satisfaction survey.
- Then I study the display of the advertising in the post-office.
- And made a phoning for the banker (“conseiller financier”).
- I also had to hold a meeting.
- At least, I had organized an animation for the mother’s day.
During the last placement, I worked with my tutor to reorganize the public room (“salle public”) because the post office was being renovated. I was also in charge of the welcome desk to respond to costumers enquiries.
I had difficulty in the execution of my last project because I couldn’t change anything in the post-office public room without the approval of the head office.
For example, I want to reduce the queue, and for this, I proposed to make a ticket system, and the head office doesn’t approve it.

To conclude, this work experience has been beneficial for my professional life. I acquired new techniques and I also developed human relationships with employees. The dual role of La Poste has allowed me to learn by experience two different job. It has shown me what working life is like and has helped me to choose my future work.

Finally, I am very satisfied with my work even if they didn’t accept my suggestion. It gave me an exciting experience.


Suis sure qu'il reste des fautes, s'il vous plait aidez moi à les trouver. Je me fais opérer demain... :embarassed:

 

[Cthulhu Dawn]

au passage BTS en anglais ça se dit HNC (Higher National Certificate) si ça peut aider...

 

[julie88]

au passage BTS en anglais ça se dit HNC (Higher National Certificate) si ça peut aider...

Je crois pas qu'on ai besoin de traduire ce hgenre de mot comme j'ai dit dans un autre post, mais merci :happy: c'est bon à savoir sait-on jamais ^^

Bon bin moi je vais me faire opérer, je sais pas quand je vais ressortir de l'hôpital, j'aurai peut être accès à internet de la-bas au cas ou quelqu'un aurait une correction à me faire parvenir. :kiss:

:embarassed: :invis:

 

[kathounette]

J'ai corrige des petites choses et j'en ai ajouter d'autres.

Comme je te l'ai dit en mp je ne peux pas y passer trop de temps car je suis actuellement au travail et il me semble aussi que tu avais besoin de ca rapidement.

Voila ce que je propose :

My name is Julie and I'm currently doing a BTS MUC in xxxxxx.
I did my training period at La Poste in xxxxx during 12 (twelve) weeks. 7 weeks during my first year, and 5 weeks during my second year.
La Poste has a particularity; it has a dual (or double) role as a postal service and as a bank service.

To find my training, I had to call a large number of firms especially in the sector of the bank.
I found this position in La Poste by contacting the local boss (or manager) who placed me in the post-office of xxxxx.

During my first training period, I had to:
- Write a customer’s satisfaction survey.
- Then I studied the display of the advertising in the post-office.
- And I made a phoning for the financial advisor (or financial counselor).
- I also had to hold a meeting.
- At least, I organized an animation for the mother’s day.

During the second placement, I worked with my tutor to reorganize the public room because the post office was being renovated. Moreover, I was also in charge of the welcoming desk to respond to customers’ enquiries.

I had some difficulties in the accomplishment of my last project because I couldn’t change anything in the post-office public room without the approval of the head office.
For example, I wanted to reduce the queue, and for this, I proposed to make a ticket system, and the head office didn’t approve this idea.

To conclude, this work experience has been beneficial for my professional life. I acquired new techniques and I also developed human relationships with employees.
The dual (or double) role of La Poste allowed me to learn by experience two different jobs. It has shown me what the working life is and it has helped me to make choice towards my future career.

Finally, I am very satisfied with my work. It gave me an exciting experience on the one hand in a professional view and on the other hand in a personal view. And it is a positive point for the future.


Pour ce qui est du paragraphe en vert, il y a 2 possibilites, soit tu le mets mais alors il faut aussi donner plus de details pour les autres missions que tu as accomplies, soit tu l'enleves...
En fait, la ca donne un peu l'impression que tu te devalorises en disant que tu as fait face a un refus.

Je pense que tu peux le mettre mais qu'il faut alors etoffer le reste surtout pour la partie qui concerne ton 1er stage car il n'y a pas de details.

Bon voila, j'espere avoir aide un peu.
Et bon courage.

 

[julie88]

Alors la gros merci kathounette !! :chessy:

J'ai lu rapidement c'est excellent :aplause: Tu es vraiment douée pour l'anglais !
J'imprime ça rapidement et je file à l'hôpital. RV a 11h 15 suis déjà à la bourre... :dacc:
Je vais rajouter une partie, c'est vrai que je suis un peu négatif sur mon deuxième stage. Je vais dire que j'ai insi appris la méthode de projet. Avec ça suis pret, je suis impatient :box:

Encore merci :friend: je file

 

[julie88]

Suis rentré de l'hopital :zarbi:

Il m'ont presque pas touché :dacc: Je me ferai opéré jeudi avec anesthesie totale ! Encore mieux, je les verrai pas m'arracher la ferraille de l'épaule ! :wink2:

J'en profite pour réviser mon texte, je fais les modifs que tu m'as préconisé.

Voila la dernière version :
My name is Julie and I'm currently doing a BTS MUC in xxxx.
I did my training period at La Poste in xxxx during 12 (twelve) weeks. 7 weeks during my first year, and 5 weeks this year.
La Poste is a public corporation. It has a particularity; it has a dual (or double) role as a postal service and as a bank service.

To find my training, I had to call a large number of firms especially in the sector of the bank.
I found this position at La Poste by contacting the local boss (or manager) who placed me to the xxxx post-office.

During my first training period, I had to:
- Write a customer’s satisfaction survey.
- Then I studied the display of the advertising at the post-office.
- And I made a phoning for the financial advisor (or financial counselor).
- I had to hold a meeting.
- Also, I organized an animation for mother’s day.

During the second placement, I worked with my tutor to reorganize the public room because the post office was being renovated. Moreover, I was also in charge of the welcoming desk to respond to customers’ enquiries.

The both training period (“se sont bien passé” => Comment dire ça ?) I didn't meet problems during the realization of my tasks and project.
But I had some difficulties in the accomplishment of my last project because I couldn’t change anything in the post-office public room without the approval of the head office.
For example, I wanted to reduce the queue, and for this, I proposed to make a ticket system, and the head office didn’t approve this idea.

To conclude, this work experience has been beneficial for my professional life. I acquired new techniques and I also developed human relationships with employees.
The dual (or double) role of La Poste allowed me to learn by experience two different jobs. It has shown me what the working life is and it has helped me to make choice towards my future career.

Finally, I am very satisfied with my work. It gave me an exciting experience on the one hand in a professional view and on the other hand in a personal view. And it is a positive point for the future.

==============================​

Voila normalement la c'est bon.
Dernière chose, comment on dit "les deux stages se sont en générale bien passée"

Encore merci.

 

[kathounette]

Both training periods went well. (se passer bien/mal = to go well/badly) Indeed, I didn't meet problems during the realization of my tasks and projects.
But I had some difficulties in the accomplishment of my last project because I couldn’t change anything in the post-office public room without the approval of the head office.
For example, I wanted to reduce the queue, and for this, I proposed to make a ticket system, and the head office didn’t approve this idea. So, I had to find another idea to convince him and it helped me to develop my creative skills .

Voila j'ai essaye d'arranger un peu le paragraphe parce la encore, pour moi tu te devalorises. Tu dis que tout s'est bien passe pendant tes 2 stages MAIS que tu as fait face a un refus.... donc il faut aussi en tirer du positif d'ou ce que j'ai ajouter..

J'espere que ca te conviendra.

 

[melkou]

Je ne sais pas ce que tu comptes faire mais je te conseille de ne pas cracher par coeur un bloc qui présente ton stage. A l'oral tu es évalué sur ta manière de communiquer et de t'adapter aux questions posées. Les profs veulent voir si tu sais discutter, et dans le bareme en points négatifs le critère suivant apparait : "l'élève récite des phrases qu'il a apprises par coeur"

 

[julie88]

Oui, tu as raison.
Mais c'est toujours plus facile de dire les erreurs qu'on as fait plutot que de se jeter des fleurs...
Pour ma opart en tout cas. Suis peut-etre un peu pessimiste...

En tout cas merci, ton aide m'est précieuse. :wink2: Je vais vite l'apprendre par cœur.


Au faite, le jury va surement me demander ce qui m'est arrivé à l'épaule. Si je réponds :
I have broken my shoulder or clavicle in or during a football party.

C'est bon ?

 

[julie88]

Je ne sais pas ce que tu comptes faire mais je te conseille de ne pas cracher par coeur un bloc qui présente ton stage. A l'oral tu es évalué sur ta manière de communiquer et de t'adapter aux questions posées. Les profs veulent voir si tu sais discutter, et dans le bareme en points négatifs le critère suivant apparait : "l'élève récite des phrases qu'il a apprises par coeur"

Je sais bien mais les profs t'encourage à faire ça...
Si ont me demande de parler de mes stages en anglais à l'improviste, je tiens pas trois phrases...
Suis un peu obligé... Je mettrai de fausses hésitations

 

[melkou]

oui l'important c'est juste que le prof ne ressente pas que tu as appris tout ça par coeur! Si tu arrives a paraitre naturelle en récitant c'est parfait!

 

[ceciliaM]

oui c'est vrai qu'il ne faut pas apprendre par coeur, c'est un dialogue entre nous et le jury...