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Corriger de ma lettre de ma motivation en anglais

  • Auteur de la discussion Auteur de la discussion mylene35
  • Date de début Date de début

mylene35

New Member
Voila deja la lettre francaise:

Madame, Monsieur,

Possédant un niveau BTS Management des Unités Commerciales, je suis actuellement à la recherche d’un poste de chargé de relation clientèle en Irlande pour le marché français en contrat à durée déterminée de 6 mois à partir du 15 octobre 2007.

Le BTS Management des Unités Commerciales m’a permis d’acquérir de solides connaissances dans le domaine du marketing et du management.

J’ai eu l’occasion d’appliquer une partie de mes connaissances lors de mon stage à EDF Gaz de France en tant que conseillère clientèle où j’ai eu l’occasion d’effectuer de nombreuses activités dont des appels sortants pour vendre le diagnostic gaz de France.

De plus, dernièrement j’ai réalisé une mission d’intérim de 6 mois où je devais répondre aux attentes des clients ainsi que de les renseigner sur les différentes offres.

Ce poste mettra en avant mes atouts qui sont mon dynamisme, ma persévérance et ma bonne élocution.

Cette expérience enrichissante me permettra de découvrir la culture de l’Irlande ainsi que d’approfondir mes acquis de la langue anglophone.

Je serais heureuse de vous rencontrer afin de vous donner plus amples renseignements.

Dans cette attente veuillez agréer, Madame, Monsieur, l’expression de mes salutations distinguées.
 
CORRIGER DE MA LETTRE DE MOTIVATION EN ANGLAIS

merci d'éditer le message et de mettre le titre en minuscule .. sinon ca fait &quot;agression&quot; :happy:
 
CORRIGER DE MA LETTRE DE MOTIVATION EN ANGLAIS

Et surtout dire &quot;S'il vous plaît, pouvez-vous m'aider pour faire ma lettre de motivation ?&quot; :mellow: Parce que là, ça donne carrément pas envie d'aider.

Et mettre un brouillon de la lettre en anglais, ENSUITE on verra pour le corrigé...
 
CORRIGER DE MA LETTRE DE MOTIVATION EN ANGLAIS

Voila la lettre en anglais:

Madam, Sir,

Possessing a level BTS Management of Unit Commercial, I am currently in search of a post of client manager in Ireland for the French market in fixed-term contract of 6 months from October 15th, 2007.

The BTS Management of Unit Commercial allowed me to acquire robust knowledge in the field of the marketing and of the management.

I had the opportunity to apply a part of my knowledge at the time of my training at “ EDF Gaz de France” as client manager where I had the occasion to carry out many activities of which outgoing calls to sell a service the diagnosis gas de France.

Besides, lately I archieved a mission of tempory work of 6 months where I had to answer to the make an attempt some customers as well as to inform on the different offers.

This post will put my assets that are my dynamism, my perseverance and my good elocution.

This enriching experience will enable me to discover the culture of Irish as to look further into my assets of the English language.

I am available for an interview at your convenience and I am looking forward to meeting you.

Yours faithfully.

Je vous remercie du temps que vous passerez
 
CORRIGER DE MA LETTRE DE MOTIVATION EN ANGLAIS

mylene35 link=topic=66283.msg704220#msg704220 date=1188383525 a dit:
Voila la lettre en anglais:

Madam, Sir,

Possessing a level BTS Management of Unit Commercial, I am currently in search of a post of client manager in Ireland for the French market in fixed-term contract of 6 months from October 15th, 2007.

The BTS Management of Unit Commercial allowed me to acquire robust knowledge in the field of the marketing and of the management.

I had the opportunity to apply a part of my knowledge at the time of my training at “ EDF Gaz de France” as client manager where I had the occasion to carry out many activities of which outgoing calls to sell a service the diagnosis gas de France.

Besides, lately I archieved a mission of tempory work of 6 months where I had to answer to the make an attempt some customers as well as to inform on the different offers.

This post will put my assets that are my dynamism, my perseverance and my good elocution.

This enriching experience will enable me to discover the culture of Irish as to look further into my assets of the English language.

I am available for an interview at your convenience and I am looking forward to meeting you.

Yours faithfully.

Je vous remercie du temps que vous passerez

Madam, Sir,

Possessing a level BTS Management of Unit Commercial, I am currently searching for a post of client manager in Ireland, for the french market in fixed-term contract of 6 months from October 15th, 2007.

The BTS Management of Unit Commercial allowed me to acquire robust knowledge in the field of the marketing and of the management.

I had the opportunity to apply a part of my knowledge at the time of my training at “ EDF Gaz de France” as client manager where I had the occasion to carry out many activities of which outgoing calls to sell a service the diagnosis Gaz de France.

Besides, lately I achieved a mission of tempory work of 6 months where I had to answer to the make an attempt some customers as well as to inform on the different offers.

This post will put my assets, which are my dynamism, my perseverance and my good elocution.

This enriching experience will enable me to discover Irish's culture as to look further into my assets of the English language.

I am available for an interview at your convenience and I am looking forward to meeting you.

Yours faithfully.

J'ai corrigé quelques trucs, c'ets notamment de la simplification car certaines choses peuvent se dire mieux et plus simplement ;)
 
CORRIGER DE MA LETTRE DE MOTIVATION EN ANGLAIS

mylene35 link=topic=66283.msg704220#msg704220 date=1188383525 a dit:
Voila la lettre en anglais:

Madam, Sir,

Possessing a level BTS Management of Unit Commercial, I am currently looking for a position as Client Manager in Ireland, for the French market in ashort-term contract of 6 months from October 15th, 2007.ou : in a 6-months contract, c'est plus court.

The BTS Management of Unit Commercial allowed me to get strong knowledge in the marketing and the management fields.

I had the opportunity to demonstrate a part of  my experience during my training at “ EDF Gaz de France” as Client Manager. I had the occasion to carry out many activities such as outgoing calls to sell a service the diagnosis gas de France.

Besides, I lately achieved a 6-months temping job, where I had to guide customer by answering to their different and explicit request.

This position will allow me to put my assets such as my dynamism, my perseverance and my good elocution. (bof bof les qualites la... je suis pas sure)

This enriching experience will enable me to discover the Irish culture and to improve my english.

I am available for an interview at your convenience and I am looking forward to meeting you.

Yours faithfully.

Je vous remercie du temps que vous passerez

j'ai rajoute de la ponctuation. apprend a respirer dans tes lettres. :wink2:
 
C'est clair que c'est beaucoup mieux de commencer par &quot;Dear Sir or Madam&quot; et egalement de mettre &quot;I look forward to hearing from you soon&quot; juste avant &quot;Yours faithfully&quot;.

Bon j'ai essaye de corriger quelques petites choses, j'espere t'avoir aidee un peu. Je suis desolee pour les accents mais je suis a l'etranger et donc clavier qwerty...

Voila ma &quot;correction&quot; :


Dear Sir or Madam,

I have an advanced vocational diploma (BTS Management of Commercial Units) and I am currently looking for a position as Client Manager in Ireland concerning the french market in fixed-term contract of 6 months from October 15th, 2007.

My studies allowed me to get strong knowledge in the marketing and management fields.

I had the opportunity to demontrate a part of my experience during my training at “ EDF Gaz de France” as Client Manager. I had the chance to carry out many activities, for example the outgoing calls to sell a service the diagnosis Gaz de France.

Moreover, lately I achieved a temp mission of 6 months in which I had to answer to the attempts of the customers as well as to inform them about the different offers.

This position will emphasize my assets such as my dynamism, my perseverance and my good elocution.

This enriching experience will enable me to discover the Irish culture as well as to improve my English.

If you need other details I am available for an interview at your convenience.

I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Yours faithfully.
 
Ah oui c'est vrai qu'on a pas mal de choses identiques dans la correction :biggrin:
D'ailleurs je viens de remarquer que j'ai fait une erreur, ce n'est pas &quot;demontrate&quot; mais &quot;demonstrate&quot; bien sur, sorry...
 
C'est sur, ce n'est pas la destination ideale. :wink2:

Mais mon copain fait un stage ici et ensuite on lui a propose un contrat donc je l'ai rejoint et j'ai un job aussi, je suis assistante du patron de la boite donc c'est une bonne experience professionnelle et humaine, meme si la vie de tous les jours n'est pas evidente.
Par exemple ici on bosse entre 45 et 50 heures par semaine donc ca change de la France !!!

Enfin c'etait une belle occasion et je pense que ce sera positif pour l'avenir...
 
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