oral d'anglais-qui peut me corriger?

[JONATHAN12]

salut

j ai preparé un texte pour l oral d anglais et je voudrais que quelqu un peut me corrige les fautes :

i'm going to talk to you about my experience in my enterprise.
First of all, I had done my training period in a company named Accord-France. It's a small company in charge of selling hardware and installing networks. This company is located in GAP in Hautes-Alpes and it offers its services to enterprises and administrations of two departments (Hautes-Alpes and Alpes de Haute Provence). I found this work placement several months before the deadline. As I had sent my application to Accord-France who was looking for someone.
My job as a trainee was to find solutions to solve a problem of network manag[e]ment and to find a tool allowing security on customer's network. I was working by myself on the project but my training master, Mario Montanino, helped me and taught me a few things. This training also [gave me the opportunity] to better control network manag[e]ment with the Microsoft Operating system Windows 2003 Server and security of information system (Firewall, Antivirus...).
I can draw up a positive assessment of my training in the company. I acquired new techniques and I also developed human relationships with employees.It was an enriching experience and I think it's important to have several internships within our resume all the more so as we need to fit into the professionnal world.

merci

 

[Grenat]

i'm going to talk to tell you about my experience in my enterprise professional experience
First of all, I had ve done my training period in a company named Accord-France. It's a small company in charge of selling hardware and installing networks. This company is located in GAP in Hautes-Alpes and it offers its services to enterprises firms and administrations of two departments (Hautes-Alpes and Alpes de Haute Provence). I found this work placement several months before the deadline. (As) tu veux pas dire thus ? I sent my application to Accord-France who which was looking for someone.
My job as a trainee was to find solutions to solve a problem of network manag[e]ment and to find a tool allowing security on customer's (il n'y a qu'un client ?) network. I was working by myself on the project but my training master, Mario Montanino, helped me and taught me a few things. This training also [gave me the opportunity] to better control network manag[e]ment with the Microsoft Operating system Windows 2003 Server and security of information system (Firewall, Antivirus...).
I can draw up a positive assessment of my training in the company. I acquired new techniques and I also developed human relationships with employees.It was an enriching experience and I think it's important to have several internships within our resume all the more so as we need to fit into the professionnal world.

merci (de rien) :happy:

Par contre pourquoi t'as barré la fin ?
Ah et j'en ai peut etre oublié :blush:

@pluch

 

[LILYB]

Bah moi çà me parait correct maintenant que tu as apporté tes corrections Grenat. :dacc:

Mais oui, Jonathan, pourquoi as tu barré la fin ? :blink:

:wink2: